Breathless

Past often hugs me tight.

So close so near that life struggles for a breath of fresh air.

Tears get choked right at the throat.

A fake smile pushes them into the eyes.

Heart aches ever moment.Soul dies along with it.

Pain continues to hurt over and over again,

Time adds a bit more to the agony.

Dreams are forgotten,

The shattered bits get stuck in the heart.

Causing a never-ceasing wound;

The pain of which runs down the cheeks.

An unknown fear embraces me,

I’m all suffocated.

With walls of past,broken relationships and dreams ask me “WHY”…

All I need is a gasp of air

As now I’m breathless….

FLASHBACK

Been really busy these days editing write-ups.Some were interesting never-known (to me) facts that were well presented, some were lovely comic strips and some were hillarious GOD-KNOWS-WHAT articles and poetry.But one thing that made me glad was the fact that every one attempted to write something.Overall its a fun session as long as I understand what the other person has tried to depict in their works. To be very honest some touched me so much that I can actually recall the words written down on those sheets of paper and some pissed me to such an extent that I felt I’ve forgotten the language itself.

 

Out of the 120 write-ups that I’ve read so far, one has stuck in my mind, heart and soul.I could very well relate it to my life and I realized that like me there are other people as well,who dreamed big, how they chased it, it somehow didn’t  come true, and then you just give up, though the sparks of that remains buried in the heart. After reading that particular write-up I went down the memory lane and I could so well recollect every scene of how I’ve reached here today.I still remember the date, December 28, 2005, a chilly winter night, when I decided to run away from home and live my dreams.That was the time, when I realized,rather believed believed I could be singer.But everyone else at home was so against it.It was just my mother, who stood by me throughout.Managed to escape from a house filled with 25 people then.Yes I belong to a joint family (now a sarcastic term of my life). Wasn’t an easy job for a 14 years old girl to run away just to fulfill her dreams. But I did I’ve always been a rebellious girl, a tomboy to be more specific, and thats how I’ve been through out.Running away from home with a petty cash of just rupees 1000 and dreamt of going to Mumbai or Kolkata to start my singing career.Having no clue where to start from, I went to my favorite place in town, the riverside and I sat there thinking what is to be done?? Staying by the riverside on a winter night of December with the temperature as low as 3 degrees wasn’t easy at all.But at that point of time, the only thing that was worth thinking was how do I start my career in music. Spent some 5 hours on the riverside that night and walked towards the railway station to get myself a ticket to Mumbai and that’s where my uncle found me and brought me back to home.My uncle was then a Central Railways employee and he somehow noticed me at the ticket counter

 

Being back home seemed I was put back into a jail forever where nobody cared what I feel, what I like.So was the story in real life as well, people were least bothered about me, I often felt my existence too remained unnoticed.That was the day when everyone in the house actually took the pain of asking me, “What’s your ambition?” And I immediately answered, “I wanna be a playback singer”. And a voice came up that declared, “Dreaming big is fine dear, but dream within your limits.You can never ever be a singer, for you’ve never got any forma training in music”. A hundred other suggestions, comments, announcements were made that day, regarding my dream, my ambition, my run away incident, over all I was declared “A SPOILED BRAT”. That day I was forced to give up my dream of being a singer.I did. Though somehow it still remains in my heart hoping someday,some magic will happen and things will fall in place…… Since then, every dream of my mine was smashed.Every time I wished to fly, my wings were cut off.But I didn’t stop dreaming, just like the girl who wrote her story. That trip down the memory lane left me in pools of tears, because that was a dream I wished to cherish for a long long time and today its a dream “that will never come true”.

Hungama Hoga…

Yun aag lagakar chale kyun gaye???

Raakh udegi abhi to, hungama hoga…

 

Peete rahe jo ashq hum ab tak to koi harz na tha…

Zara si pee li meykhaane se, to hungama hoga…

 

Jhoomte rahe hum jo ab tak sanam ke nashe mein;

Sarr-e-aam jo ek qash lagayi to hungama hoga…

 

Sitam to dil-e-yaar ke ab tak sehte rahr…

Jo humne zara si der ki aane mein to, hungama hoga….

 

Ishq karna bada haseen hai, zamana khul-e-aam karta hai,

Hum zara ishq farmaaye to, hungama hoga…..

 

Rishton mein jab judne lage,humne bhi jashn manaaye;

Jo hum unse koi rishta jode to, hungama hoga….

 

Haath chhudaake chale jaaye wo,

Jo bewafa ho jaaye to.. to dastoor wo ho jata hai….

Hum zara jafaa karein agar, to hungama hoga….

 

Ishq ki aag lagakar na jaao;

Raakh udegi, tamasha aur hoga….

Kuch pal dekh lo aur zara, thoda aur hungama hoga…….

Namesake…

A dream.

That I dreamt for long.

Was shattered for all;

And forever.

They discouraged.

They broke me.

They injured me in every step.

And when a dream barely came true…

People know me for what I do.

The ones who said, “she’s nothing but a stubborn spoiled brat”.

Who stated, “she doesn’t belong to us”.

Now act generous,and say they’re proud of me.

They tell the world,”she’s from our family”.

They claim to be my well-wishers.

They pretend to be my God-fathers and God-mothers.

They expect me to praise them in public;

Let people know that they inspired me..

I still pretend, I’m glad.

With all that’s happening around me,

I still carry my old fake smile.

I’m still tied to those people.

I still live with a family,

That remains for a NAMESAKE…….

Parastish-e-Ishq

Sajda kiya jo humne ishq ka

Wo humari deewangi ko nazar-andaaz kar gaye

Deewani main thi jinke ishq ki

Wo hi mujhe bewafaa karaar kar gaye…

Unki galiyon mein barbar

Ishq ruswa hua hai;Jinki khatir the hum zinda;

Wo bhi aaj humse ajnabee hua hai…

Haal-e-dil ab kaise kisko batayein

Kya chaaha tha aur kya mila…

Jinko hum apna khuda maante rahe,

Unhi ko hai humse gila..

Naa chaaho chaahe humein

Dard chaahe de do..Parastish-e-ishq na hoga kam

Chaahe meri saansein bhi le lo..

Ishq tab tha, aaj nasha sa ban gaya hai..

Humko bas yaar ke nashe mein jhoomne do…

Jo mile na kabhi humare lub tumhare lub se..

.Humein unke kadamon ke nishaan hi choom lene do…

Zinda hai hum to bas zindagi ke naam se

Kuch pal ishq mein aur jee le…

Jo pyaas agar kabhi ishq mitaa na sake…

To hum bas apne aansu hi pee le………….